


The Fantastic Threesome - by KayEUndercover

by SissolxJeffC4ever



Category: Twelfth Night
Genre: Drama, Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-28 23:52:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17192552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SissolxJeffC4ever/pseuds/SissolxJeffC4ever
Summary: Post-drama. Malvolio gets way more than he bargained for when he and Olivia decided to conspire against Maria and her minions(re: Toby, Fabian, and Andrew). Now three of the conspirators have to live together and cope with each other. What else could happen?  Utter crack





	1. Part 1: Moving In

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This happened because Toby, Fabian, and Andrew were the conspirators along with Maria on Malvolio, and this is what should have happened.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SUMMARY: Toby, Fabian, and Andrew go house hunting and wacky hijinks happen because.

(2018) 

 

Andrew and Fabian kind of regretted humiliating Olivia’s steward, but Toby was another story. He loved it, even when Orsino and Viola got married, and Olivia with Viola’s elder brother. Their punishment wasn’t really a punishment — Fabian and Andrew, along with Toby, will just have to live together from now on. And that’s how come they were in the middle of nowhere, or so Toby had said, after they took the train to Norwich. 

  Fabian sighed. Fine, so they were living together, and Andrew was fine with that. He and Toby were fond of each other for almost forever, and Fabian had to admit, he was kind of fond of both as well, and that’s how come Olivia had recommended that they form a trio before it is too late. 

  And now here they are. In Norwich. 

 

  “OK, so Mr. Shakespeare recommended the mansion that was used for the television show of Kingdom. What’d you say?” asked Andrew when they got to the house that was near a very nice lawn. It was all green and with very little noise. Nature was always calming, especially in Norwich. 

  “You called Will?” Toby sipped on his brandy and asked. “Fine, we’ll be taking this one, if only it’s way spacier than Olivia’s house.” 

  So here they were. 

 

  Loading boxes and luggage, as well as furniture was another story. 

  “Also, you’ll have to make sure we can order as much brandy as we can, please?” Toby was asking when Fabian and Andrew loaded the boxes into the great hall. “Riiiiiiiiight, so is there a bar area somewhere?” 

  Fabian glared. “Yes, we have one,” he said back, “and Andrew,” he looked at the knight, “no more of your… well… Don Giovanni approved… fetish things.” 

  Toby cracked up. 

 

  “AH hahahahahahah, so he’s got fetish things, and I cannot be the owner of the bar area?” when they entered the mansion, he asked, way more enthusiastically than intended. 

  Fabian sighed. Fine, they were getting head-or-tails on the bar area, and there was a theater. 

  “There’s also a theater, so Feste and his minions could put up a show.” he added. He then looked hard at his companions, “what about the rest of the boxes?” 

  Toby collapsed over-dramatically on top of one of said boxes. 

 

  “You want to squash us, don’t you?” he moaned, and Andrew nodded, “positive he does.” 

 Fabian sighed. “Fine, you two make sure the bedrooms are clean and tidy, mind you! And I’ll look to the rest.” 

  Andrew and Toby smirked at each other and went. 

 

~*~ 

 

  The mansion was dark and creepy when there’s very little of their own furnitures and of course, Toby could’ve lived at the bar area if he was allowed. What was worse was that Feste paid a visit. The trio noticed that way too late until Fabian shrieked in the kitchen, with Feste laughing very hard. 

  Both clambered out of the kitchen, Fabian irritated, and Feste delighted. 

  “Soooooooooo… y’all’re living together, huh?” he grinned. 

 

  Fabian glared at the actor. “None of your business, Feste, so stop being even worse than my companions.” he said sharply, “otherwise you go back to Olivia’s and the stars know where you might be banished to.” 

  Toby and Andrew looked hard at their companion. 

  “NOOOOOOOOOOO HOW COULD YOU?” Toby exclaimed, and Andrew cringed at his outburst, as usual,  and Feste said back, “maybe you three have to get your priorities sorted out.” 

  Fabian was about to say something when Andrew agreed, “true.” 

  That was when the former left. Better leave Feste with them instead of him, isn’t it? 

 

  And whatever Feste said… they’ll be just fine living together. 

 

~*~*~ 

 

End chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And here’s the first chapter! It was suggested by theChaplinfangirl so blame her if you don’t like this idea!


	2. Part 2: Job Interviews and A Clatter of Randomness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SUMMARY: Fabian can not stand Andrew and Toby always treating their time together as some great entertainment, when yes, it is like that. How will forcing them to get jobs go? Just as you expected : )

  

The next day of living together, Fabian had to notify Olivia of their on-goings, so she wouldn’t get worried, according to Toby. Andrew said otherwise, and Fabian agreed more to the latter than to the former. Olivia loved all three of them, no doubt about it, but they were still conspirators towards her steward, whom she may or may not already treat as a best friend. 

  Fabian had no idea where he got that idea, but if Maria knew about Malvolio’s feelings towards Olivia, there’s no doubt that they are best of friends now. 

  He might just put out the suggestion given to him via Olivia to the others, and see if the results will look as good. 

 

  Apparently not. 

  Fabian proposed the idea during breakfast, while Toby was substituting kwas as beer, along with breakfast. Fabian wasn’t a physician, but he’d swear that Toby might just kill himself if he goes on this rate. Or maybe not. Still, the career suggestions. 

  Taking a deep breath, Fabian made the others notice him. 

 

  “OK, an announcement.” he said, trying not to sound too accusing. He was fine, and he and Olivia were close friends again, so he could just go over to hers and do whatever she asked him to, “Olivia suggested you two to get some jobs. Aka job interviews.” 

  Andrew just stared and Toby, as expected, balked. 

  “NO WAY!” he shouted, scooting away from his friends, “we’re not getting job interviews, we can pay the rent via Olivia and you know it!” 

  Fabian was about to say something when Andrew chimed in, “also, she didn’t only say she will pay the rent for the first year, it might just suffice for us till the next.” 

  Both of them started cheering and Fabian sighed. This was hopeless. 

 

  “Toby, Andrew, I’m serious, so is she.” he said firmly, hoping to his stars that Feste wouldn’t barge in unannounced like last time. The traveling actor had a habit of barging in their new house in Norwich recently and he didn’t want anything to do with said person, for now, at least. “Maybe you should join Feste in acting?” 

  Toby’s eyes widened. “YOU KNOW HE ACTS ARTHUR MILLER AND WHATNOT ALL THE TIME!” he yelled, half-mock-whining, “whyyyyyyy should we agree?” 

  Fabian glared. 

 

  “Whatever, Toby, you’ll be… maybe joining in a theater group, like the Globe with Mark Rylance?” he smiled at that part. 

  Andrew elbowed him in the ribs. “No more breaking the 4th wall, mister.” he hissed, with Toby taking a swig of Kwas and watching them like an audience. 

  That was when Fabian turned on him. 

 

  “And Andrew, maybe… try working with either Olivia or Orsino again.” he suggested, looking at the other winningly. 

  Andrew ignored him and Toby accused, “whadabout you?!” 

  Fabian smiled winningly. 

 

  “If Andy’s joining in… say… Viola and Orsino’s café, I might join in Olivia’s cookie shop.” he said back haughtily. Toby groaned in exasperation and Fabian grinned bigger. “Y’know, help her and Malvolio bake cookies and whatnot.” 

  “THEN EXPLAIN _QI_?” hollered Toby. 

  “That’s Stephen Fry, mister.” 

 

  Andrew stopped listening and took a swig of his coffee. Fair enough, maybe he would consider joining in whatever Orsino and Viola had, and his companions joining in Olivia and Malvolio’s cookie shop. 

 

~*~ 

 

 Andrew and Viola, surprisingly, struck up a friendship while working at the café as baristas, since Olivia’s shop(s) was connecting to said café. Toby, because of Fabian’s nagging, was also in downtown London, only over at the BBC. Andrew had to admit, he wanted to go over there as well, and maybe joining in _Top Gear_. 

  Viola was impressed when she heard about Toby’s choices on jobs and occupations. 

  “So y’mean that he is joining in the BBC?” she asked, setting the cups down besides the sink. The cakes were still baking and Andrew enjoyed watching the chemical reactions. 

 

  Andrew beamed. “Sure enough, and Fabian would love that one.” he said back, as the oven dinged. The pastries were ready and Orsino moved over to get them out and cool them off. 

  That was when Andrew got a message on his phone. 

 

 

 Toby: OK, need help because. 

 

 

  Andrew just stared. 

 

 

Andrew: ? 

 

Toby: How we can devise a plan so clever as Maria’s to go against Fabian. We need it, and I need ideas tonight. 

 

Andrew: Why not ask M? 

 

Toby: No way. Plan A is like this: *uploads image* 

 

 

  Andrew sighed in slight exasperation. Fabian would kill them if he ever found out, and to think that he and Olivia were best of friends now… 

 

 

Andrew: No way, just wait. 

 

Toby: : ( 

 

 

 

  Meanwhile, back at Toby’s place, he was trying to contact Andrew through iMessage, and apparently said person refused to plan out Fabian’s demise, or the lack thereof, with him. 

  As usual, since Feste was done with his interview with Mark, he skipped over to see whatever was bugging Toby and started another one of his witticisms that might just rival the likes of fellow actors Stephen Fry and Keanu Reeves. 

  Toby looked up when Feste jumped over. 

 

  “OK, listen up, mister,” he began, hoping he could use Feste as a minion, if he couldn’t use Andrew, “I’m revenging against Fabian for making me join in the BBC.” 

  As usual, Feste was clueless as to why Toby disliked the BBC. 

  “Oh, so you’re not fond of this place?” he asked back, and Toby said, “not that I don’t like this place…” 

  He was about to finish when his phone dinged. 

 

 

Andrew: Oh, and I almost forgot to tell you, we’ll have to go with Fabian to somewhere not here. 

 

Toby: ???????????? 

 

Andrew: I think Scotland. 

 

Toby: And why? 

 

Andrew: No reason. 

 

 

  Definitely. 

 

~*~ 

 

  Back to their mansion, Toby smiled evilly to himself. He’ll have to think up a prank to do on Fabian, and it may or may not involve Malvolio or anyone else. Still, that might make Andrew, Feste, or maybe even Orsino interested. 

  The plan was finally into gear when he and Andrew met when he got back to the mansion. 

  The lights were on and it looked welcoming. Toby smiled to himself. Maybe Maria was right, them living together might just do them some good. Maria! Why haven’t he thought of her? 

 

  He barged through the front door when he remembered it. 

  “ANDREW!” he bellowed, “I GOT IT, WE’D BETTER CALL MARIA OVER AND GET IT DONE WITH US! WOOHOO!” 

  Andrew looked up from his Shakespeare sonnets. 

  “You’re sharp as a tack, y’know, Toby.” he said back, looking back down. Then, looking up again, he said, “strange that Shakespeare never thought of it!” 

  Toby rolled his eyes. 

 

  “I’ll go call Maria before we’re busted, she’s an expert on this.” and he went. 

  Andrew sighed to himself. True, he never forgot about how humiliated Malvolio was after Maria made him completely mad, or half-mad, that is, after ghost-writing a love letter to him saying it was from Olivia herself. 

 

 

  Saying good-bye to Olivia, Fabian left the house in high spirits. Maybe Toby could cope with RSC or BBC’s schedules, and he wanted to talk with Feste about said matters. But first, he had to get back to his house before Andrew and said person wrecks it too badly. 

  He was nearing the house when he heard talking. Maria and someone? Unbeknownst to him, it was said person and Feste himself, trying on his Mr. Topas disguise again. 

 

  Peeking over the tree she and Feste were hiding behind together, Maria’s eyes widened. 

  “Here he comes, and hope we won’t be botching this up, it must be harmless, though, we don’t want him to be like Malvolio, do we?” she hissed, as Feste smirked at her. 

  “Leave it to me, madonna.” and with that, he disguised himself and grabbed some of their Steiff sheep stuffed animals and scattered them everywhere. 

 

  Smiling a little bit, Feste remembered that Olivia used to be really fond of those Steiff animals. At the same time, Maria put on her veil and got to the other side of Feste and their play has started. 

  Fabian sighed in exasperation when he saw them. Why was Mr. Topaz near their house, along with someone else? Maybe his Significant Other. 

 

  “Good evenin’ to ya, sir.” Feste spoke first, and Maria pretended to tend to the stuffed animals. Olivia didn’t hire Fabian until she was way more grown up, so that won’t bust them, probably. 

  Fabian stared. “Right,” he said, after a moment of silence, “why’re you here, Mr. Topaz?” 

  Feste was about to speak when there was a loud crash from the mansion. Maria and him both gulped. 

 

  “OK, WHAT is going on there?” finally ignoring the shepherd and his Significant Other, Fabian marched towards the house. 

  Inside the house, everything was chaos, or will be chaos very soon. 

 

  Toby and Andrew were interrupting each other on whatever they were trying to do, and in the meantime, Toby accidentally smashed one of his brandy bottles. Fabian face-palmed. 

  He’ll have to teach them manners very soon, sure enough. 

 

~*~*~ 

 

End chapter 2


	3. Part 3: Drinking Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SUMMARY: Teaching Toby and Andrew manners with Malvolio is hard work, and no one is helping, as usual(Olivia’s busy with Sebastian and Orsino and Viola’re busy with their café, that’s why).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Happy Yuletide, everyone! Now, we’ll be going to the Yuletide episode VERY soon, so get hyped up! *hands brandy to everyone*

  

Fabian finally understood what Malvolio meant when he mentioned about Andrew and Toby being altogether making a terrific racket, along with Feste, way before Olivia and Sebastian met. Since it was almost Yuletide, and Fabian had to admit, it was one of his favourite holidays, he and Malvolio had to teach the other two some manners, especially when Olivia, Orsino, Viola, and Sebastian was about to visit them specially for the holidays, along with Curio and company. 

  Toby was over-excited when he heard the news, so was Andrew. Fabian knew it was a mistake to tell them as soon as he did. 

 

  “WOOHOOO! WE’LL BE HAVIN’ PARTAYS AND ALL THAT FOR A WHOLE ENTIRE DAY, WON’T WE, FABIAN AND ANDREW!” he hollered, jumping up from his seat, “NOW, WE’D HAVE TO GO TO OLIVIA’S TO BAKE COOKIES AND MAKE EGGNOG AND EVERYTHING! OOOOOH YEAH, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I’VE PLANNED! ALSO, GUESS WHAT ELSE? FESTE’LL BE WITH Y’ALL ALL THROUGH THAT TIME.” 

  Fabian had no idea where Toby got that idea from, that is, making cookies and eggnog with Orsino and Viola, and baking pastries with Olivia and Sebastian at their bakery. 

  “I thought you didn’t like having jobs?” he asked instead. Toby grinned. 

 

  “IF IT’S FOR YULETIDE IT’S SO IN.” 

  Fabian and  Andrew ignored him, and the former said, “OK, so since I’ll have to teach you guys manners myself — we don’t want Olivia to be upset at you two again — I’ll be making Malvolio my assistant, and sure, Olivia agreed.” 

  Toby’s eyes went big and wide at him. No way was he making Malvolio, the self-satisfied, Stephen Fry wannabe valet their manners teacher. 

  Jumping up, he shouted, “BUT WE HAVE MANNERS!” And with that, he took a swig of his Irish brandy. 

 

  “Oh yeah? I’m the one with manners here, sorry to break it to you!” snapped Andrew. He was upset, to say the least. “At least I’m not over-acting all the time.” 

  “I’D RATHER HAVE STEPHEN FRY AS OUR MANNERS TEACHER THAN THAT STEWARD!” yelled Toby back, and Fabian sighed in exasperation. 

  “You do know that Malvolio and Stephen are the same person, don’t you?” he asked, as deadpan as he could. Andrew was the one who balked at that one. 

 

  “WHY D’YOU HAVE TO BREAK THE 4TH WALL AGAIN?” he hollered in despair, “WE’LL BE CALLED JAMES AND COLIN AND ROGER SOON ENOUGH IF WE GO ON AT THIS RATE.” 

  Fabian shook his head. Olivia would’ve made Toby get the hell out of there if it was her house. 

  “Whatever. Be prepared for the lessons soon.” 

 

~*~ 

 

  The lessons were during the afternoon, after lunch, and Toby was already stress-drinking two bottles of Irish brandy and Loch Lomond Whiskey. Andrew was stroking Feste’s rabbits said person made Fabian look after. Sometimes, he had to admit, Feste knew more about their on-goings than he, Toby, or Andrew combined. 

  Toby was half-asleep when Fabian entered the door, along with Malvolio, smirking smugly at them. Andrew rolled his eyes. Trust Fabian to abuse them like that. 

 

  “OK, we can start.” said person said, as soon as he and the steward entered the living room. He was smiling at them, and Andrew felt uneasy. 

  The overall lessons were fine, at least for Andrew, and fortunately for him again, the rabbits were around him constantly. They had a calming quality about them and even Fabian smiled when looking. Toby was another story. 

  “Something I seriously have to tell y’all: are we in QI or are we in QI?” he asked. 

  Malvolio ignored him. 

 

  “Olivia said that you should’ve stopped your excess drinking after she’s married.” the steward said, and Fabian pretended to not listen, when he obviously was, and Toby glared at them both. He should’ve known that Fabian and Malvolio have finally resolved their differences and become friends way earlier than expected. 

  Toby glared. “And don’t forget we’re the conspirators,” he warned, and Andrew finally cracked up, collapsing onto Fabian, and the rabbit ran across the table. 

  Fabian sighed and Feste looked up. 

 

  “So you’re teaching them manners this time?” he asked, finally getting into the conversation. He was interested, to say the least. 

  Malvolio nodded. “Sure I am, and by the orders of Olivia.” 

  Ignoring them all, Andrew said, “so first is…?” 

  “The correct way of sitting at the dinner table. Andrew, you’re fine, Toby, sit correctly.” commanded Fabian, and Malvolio and Feste exchanged a glance. 

 

  Toby glared. He was really thinking of a way to get back with Fabian since this is his so-called ‘improbable fiction’. Sighing, he obeyed, in order to not let Malvolio have a single moment of gloating. 

  They were the ones that’s supposed to be humiliating him, weren’t they? And never the other way around! 

 

  As soon as they sat properly, Fabian stood up. 

  “OK, I’ll be fetching us wine, and Toby and Andrew, you two have to watch your consuming rate,” he said, going towards the bar area and fetched him, Toby, and Andrew each a glass of wine. Toby smirked when he saw that. 

  “Oh no, signor Fabian, you’re lookin’ at the expert here,” he said, when said person brought the glasses to the table. “Feste, you’ll be the one refilling the glasses.” 

  Feste beamed at everyone and Malvolio and Andrew both rolled their eyes. 

 

  Fabian smiled to himself. This was fun. 

  Toby took a swig of wine after Fabian handed the glass to him and Feste looked up. 

  “No no, wrong way!” he cried out, as if he was the referee. 

  Toby jumped on his chair, scaring the rabbit away. 

 

  “OH I’LL SHOW YOU THE WRONG WAY!” he shouted, slamming his glass on the table. Fabian immediately stood up. 

  “OK, OK, just be quiet, everyone!” he cried, and the rabbit snuggled close to Malvolio, to Toby’s disbelief. 

 

  “I swear to you, Sir Andrew, the rabbits DO NOT have good taste.” he hissed, and Feste looked at him incredulously. 

  “What the…” 

  “NOT YOU, HIM!” 

  Fabian sighed in exasperation and Feste forgot his misunderstanding with Toby just like that. 

 

  “What about the rabbits?” he asked, and Fabian was about to say it when Andrew chimed in, “they’ll be having cabbage and carrot sticks, no worries.” 

  “The thing is, they already had dinner, alright?” asked Toby, and grabbed the bottle and chugged almost the whole thing. 

  Malvolio and Feste exchanged another look. 

 

  “HOLY MACARONIS FABIAN, SINCE WHEN DID MARIA GIVE US WINE FOR THE BAR?” not even noticing the attention he’s causing himself, Toby shouted gleefully. Andrew grinned at him. 

  “Since… now,” he replied, and jumped up as well, along with the rabbit, who finally untangled itself out of Malvolio’s grasp. “AND I JUST REMEMBERED, THAT’S S’POSED TO BE AN OCCASSION! WE’VE TO THANK YOUR WIFE FOR THAT AND GUESS WHAT EEEELSE? WE’LL BE HAVIN’ EGGNOG TOMORROW SINCE TOMORROW’S DEC 24!” 

  And with that, they started the table dancing. 

 

  Fabian face-palmed and left, with Feste giggling uncontrollably. He was so done with those two, so, so done. 

 

~*~*~ 

 

End chapter 3


End file.
